Its her birthday today. Actually couple days ago. I wrote this than.
I have seen her pictures and she looks happy. I pray this is true. Her boyfriend seems to be a good guy. His sister I know and she
is good people.
We are de friended and this hurts. Wish it were different.
Its . . .Its. . . It is what it is. Still I wish it wasn't so. Thought I would
always have time to fix this. When I tried, all connection broke. Don't
blame her. Don't blame her mother. Its all me. Wish it were different.
Wish I was a better person for her.
There is a bigger plan This what I tell myself. Exchanged a
few messages, but recently it is clear she does not want me in her life.
Feeble, maybe? This is the third time this happened.
She has a beautiful smile. Artistic, too. It would be wrong
for me to force myself in her life. She is an adult now and its clear she does
not want me in it.
I know where she works. Should I go? Thought many times.
Drove by, but I don't want to ruin her day by showing up unannounced and
where I am not welcome. Is it cowardly? Maybe? When she writes she
is not ready. I must respect this. She may never be ready. I will Trust in God
for this. I am thankful, but wish it were different. Just defriended. This could be
wishful thinking on my part. It may be delusional. It probably is.
She has been provided for, this is all can wish for.
Started writing a long time hoping that she would want to know of me when I am
gone. Now, it is clear she doesn't.
But maybe? I will leave this in God's hands. I Trust in You.
In any event, Happy, Happy Birthday. I Love You
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