. . .We Change

Been noticing a change. Change in other reactions. Noticing relationships being altered and I am not sure its for the best. This stuff is my own making. Well. . .not all of it. Things could have been done differently. Attitudes can have been assuaged. Little things might have made the difference. Is it too late? Maybe. Will things turn for the best. I don't know.

We'd like to think things would be the same. But this is so far from the truth. We live. We love. We Die. We Cry. We become remorseful. We fill wth regret. We harbor what ifs. We shower in doubt. We crash and bottom out. We pause and think will it forever last. We rest. We cry and then lift up and lie. We feel the weightiness of the world. We close and fall unconscious. We think this sleep is our only solitude. We get up and return. We eat a little. Sleep a little.We take a bite. We close our eyes and breath a little.

We get up. Again and again. We sleep some. eat some. Breathe some more. The heaviness feels lighter as we get stronger. We remember we can go some more. Go some more.Get up some more. Eat and sleep, some more. We breathe and breathe.

Change is not so bad. Our friends and family will go where they need to go. We decide whether to go with them. We decide to go with some and let some go. We go and go until we find where we need to go. At times we get lost but we find our way. We find our way. We find our way. At least I'd like to think so. Maybe its revealed. Maybe its delusion. I realize that it is more important to be creative.

So, we lose because what is worth keep and what is worth letting go. . .It can be the same. we learn to give Love is what worth giving because its what keeps us. What binds us. What holds us all together. So . . .

Trust in Something Bigger

Clippers put a beating on today. Just they were mentally tougher, physically stronger, and teamwork more cohesive today. One can tell by the body language by the Rockets. They were defeated. Careless fouls. Rushed shots. One announcer said, "Rockets have to look inside and see if they are beaten." Its hard to come to this realization. Not sure one has the fight in them. That first crack on the armor of invincibility. There's anger in them fouls. There is hurt and fear. Despite a good year, frustration weighted them down. Questions are whether they are good enough? Only one can say aye or nay to this. One needs to be honest. Look themselves in the mirror and know. Look inside of themselves and know.

I remember reading this comic book. It had the Thing boxing against the Champion, an Elder of the Universe with a Infinity Stone. Clearly, the battle in the ring was won. However, when faced with against the Champion, Thing bloodied and bruised. He looks up and say, "You only beaten my body. My Spirit you will never Conquer." This story always stood out to me. Just realization that One's spirit can not be broken. Not unless one allows this self-pity and despair blankets them. Having the energy sucked out of them. It takes that little crack in the Dam the wall of water will break through drowning ones in defeat.

An old wrestling coach used to preach, "One may be a better wrestler, but they will not be better shape." This one lesson seemed hard understand. Losing sucks. However, in the long run if one can't execute these great moves when times are tough, than what does it matter.

Not winning is not entirely bad. Sometimes we need a little culling. Ass kicking. Beat Down before can move on. This discovery that right now. Its not enough. The tools, the skills, the conviction are in need of hardening. Strengthen the resolve to overcome what ever challenges face them. It is foolish to think one is entirely invincible. It is the synchronicity of body, mind, and spirit. It is when all parts are working that much can be done. Yet it may not enough. One basketball player can win a few games some time; however, Hero Ball, will not win a championship. One part can compensate for others;however, this strain can become too much to overcome.

Today I felt a strain. It was in the roughness of one's voice. Heard the pain. I know something is not in sync. Today was Mother's Day. There was a breakdown. Messages failed. Communications broke. Cohesion took a hit.  I fear that I know the true, unsaid reason for the break down. It has to do with Pride and unfortunate life realities. Not trusting the Truth about some situations. This denial. . .It is causing some pain. Not being told and not being trusted with some Truths it is hurtful. Putting this facade rather being truth telling.

Guess, when one is ready to let others in, they will do so. Hopefully before too much time has passed and too much strain has been endured. This is hard to hear at time. Hard to accept. However, this step is necessary. So. . .I will let things run its course. Let the river,the currents do what they do. Why? Because there are other forces more powerful than me. So I can scream at the Waves overhead crashing on me. I can make haste and pretend one can outrun time--outrun fate--outrun the end. Both are right. Both are foolish. Only History will determine what was best.

Its a Test of Faith.

Winds of Change

Winds blowing again today. Not the sea crashes of last night, but a gentle breeze. More like a cool kiss on a summer lake. Finding that place between change and stillness. A soft yielding to the generous eventuality. Like when one grows old. Not an abrupt transformation, but Time's reminder to get going with what needs to get to get done. Can't stay where you are. Others behind need their turn. Whispers of the eventuality kneading one forward. Realizing our output is not where it once was. The vehicle we drive is no longer top of the line. We pretend that its good enough. Knowing deep, deep, deep inside that place that change is closer than we think. This quiet denial. . .Its a protest. Not an angry one, but there nonetheless. Hearing the sinew of our muscles cough. We slowly listen to that protest that say, "Check Engine is On"

Our time machine is taking us on an adventure. This portion of our trip is a few stops from our next adventure. Winds are not the tornado ready to uproot all that we know. Its. . .Its. . .Its almost time to go back Home. Going back to share with what we learned. Review with messengers on our shoulder what they recorded. We are closer to the back end than the beginning. Paid the price. Some parts smarting. Others well worth the Investment. Others--Glad we are going downhill than racing upward.  Cruising on neutral letting the forces at play take us on our way.

So, the rustle of leaves are singing. Its time to close my eyes and let the gentle winds wash over me.

Third of this year is Over

Lights out. TV is on mute. Tomorrow is a little more than half an hour from now. Winds blowing and the sounds of the leaves bustling through the wind sounds like waves crashing on the beach. Rained a bit early, early morning.

Change is brewing on this May evening. Snow covers the mountain toward the south. A news segment stated Big Bear had snow. Winter weather drive some of this Spring away. What's the latest? Nothing I am ready to report. Just trying to find balance with all the goings on.

Clippers manhandled the Rockets today. Chicago won a close one against LeBron and the Cavs. Ducks played to day but not sure of the score. NFL draft concluded a few days back. Josh Shaw got picked up by the Bengals. Precie got the full ride. Beber is going to Nevada. Ron Mitchell is getting married at the end of the month. Precie will be graduating soon. She's also going on trip to Iowa for nationals. NIT. She is the state champion on uneven bars. Lynn won Sophomore President.Ran unopposed. Nanay's still walking and I haven't gymed it in a couple weeks. Knees been swelling up. Aunty Dely had her birthday a few days back and today was Uncle Alex's Bday.Been instagramming too much these last few days.  Talked with Em last week. When the Avengers 2 came out. Jaron had a birthday party and Manny lost to Mayweather.

Season drawing to an end for the NBA. I'm projecting its the Clips v Bulls for the Championship. What is more to say. Haven't made a dent on some of bucket lists. Garage still needs some Spring Cleaning. Car, too. Finished my reading Challenge. 215 books completed before the end of the year. Might shoot for 365. Still brewing this over.Drawings still needs some work. Writing and Timelining are still on the agenda.

Looks like football practice is starting again. Wonder how this year will play out. Its football weather right now. Precie's leaving for school soon. Would like to set up some care package. Got on 365 today. Started that. Finishing up April. Still need March and May. Jalen and Mikayla are in Vegas. Jiujitsu I assume. Not sure what the story is with Ron, Sham, and Germaine. Sleeping at Ron's Sham got hired at the Golden Arches. Uncle Alex and Aunty Norma did a roadie to Fresno. One of our relatives passed. That day there was a viewing before his body was to be shipped to the PI.

California is going through the fourth year of a drought. Election is next year. Russia is flexing its presence in the Ukraine. Star Wars will be out this coming Christmas. Marvel movies are coming down the pipe. Lakers had a troubling year. Still no Dodgers on TV. What else to say for the first third of this year?

I am going to leave here for now. More posts will be coming down the pipeline.