Sponges

Its her birthday today. Didn't write much. She hasn't said much the times I've messaged. What do I do? Move on while Hope is waning. Shaking my head, I will just suck it up. Its my own doing. Wasn't there. How can I expect things to change? Time we spend is what matters. Yup, messed up here. Just keep my head down and plug away. Maybe in the next life things will be better. For now, HBD.

Spent part of the day in Starbucks. Catching up on journal entry. Good couple hours writing a blurb. Trying to recall the past. Putting in my 2015. Over hundred days to remember. Last couple of days been attacking December. trying to make some headway. November next. 30 days unrecorded. Just close my eyes and persevere. This one trait I am happy to have. See it til the end. Madamoiselle Blackett said, "Sticktuitiveness." I've always liked that. Resolved when I play chess, to never resign. Its rough at times. I know victory is unlikely and yet, I refuse to end. Rather fight and figure a ways to forestall the inevitable. Pulled off a few draws when by all rights I should have a tally on the loss column.

Watched part of an ESPN documentary on "Dan Gable" Legendary wrestler. Through a troubled time he sought to bring his family together by being the hero. Sister assaulted and killed, he focused his energies to be a better wrestler. Three time State champ, three time NCAA champ, two time Olympic Gold Medalst. National Champion Coach several times over. He is the perennial wrestling icon. He said, its not that he Wanted to Win. He Needed to Win.


Did a doubler today. Once with Theresa. another with Cindy. Did my 1085 crunchers. Even got some bicep work. Diet logged it and wrote exercise routine. If anything, how will this insight be tied in to this post. How is this all related. What was the meaning for this day? Was it the rain? Was it the no response? Was it the time putting thought to paper. Was it watching Mongol, then Dan Gable story? How is this all related?

All I could think of write now is how a sponge eats. Its through a filtration system,. All these forces are pushes water and nutrients through the mouths of a sponge. Some food get stuck through these whole. good stuff comes in and waste goes out. The Sponge keeps what it needs. It seems these little coincidences, the stories we watch and listen to. The words that were said years ago. The silence to questions asked. Doing doublers in a day. All these things effect us. May not know it at the time. But these insight, revelations, it matters. Keep what we need. Let go to stuff that anchors us. Not beholden to hurt and hardship.

A lady driving up down the parking lot asked me something out of her car. Think it was gas money. Didn't have any to spare with my gas tank light beaming yellow. It scares me a bit. How people can risk driving around with no money for gas. Desperate it is troubling. Would people give me a dollar if I were in a similar situation.

When I stopped by the gas station, one homeless person pushing a cart was going through the station's trash can. I was ready to hand him the empty dasani bottle I was going to throw away. However, when I turned my head, he was already headed out the parking lot. After paying for gas, I heard a man sitting by the entrance say, "Hi" to me. He may have been homeless. It was raining and dark and he just said, "Hi" I think I said "Hello" back. While pumping gas, I heard a shout, "I don't need your help!!!" Must have been man sitting at front. To me it was cry for dignity. Saying "Hello" was an act to be recognized. To be more than someone to be ignored. My heart hurt a little. It soared a little too. Sad because it was cold, rainy and windy. I wondered if he would be warm tonight. I was warmed that this fellow had some fight.

All these observations. These events. These moments. We see what see. All over. Humanity is around. We filter these moments and it makes us grow. These moral moments. Building and strengthening our Soul.

My eyes feel heavy now. Think the Sandman is beckoning.