Tuesday morning. It’s a bit chilly. Not even the warm music and smiling waitress heat this early day. Bee Gees playing and I still feel the brisk breeze from the bottom of my legs. I wonder how this day will heat up. Hopefully, this will day will thaw soon.
It’s been that way for a few days. It’s been cold inside for me. My heart stilled for some time and I need to feel it pumping soon. Been walking in the morning and still no melting. My heart and body slowed. It raced with passion and enthusiasm. Now, not so much. My ejection fraction lessened. Been cut off from the warmth. Been cut off from the Love. Hope took a blow. Starting anew will take some work. The things we do for love.
I know ice age is just temporary. Yet, the cold stings. The heat turned off. Got to fire this still beating heart. What warms me is playing Lightsabers with Dorian. What warms me is listening to Dorian sing the theme song of Star Wars. What warms me is the hugs he gives me for no reason. My Brother’s son brings a smile to my heart.
I missed much with Em. Nothing can ever replace this part of me. I know this soul loss is of dire consequence. I hope in time her heart will open to mine. I hope that our hearts will be together. I hope that the ice that fills another’s heart will be warmed. Not that frost is not deserved. I do understand this Nordic breeze. Hope in time Green House will melt the polar caps that I find myself in.
A man is injecting his (I assume wife) with insulin in the booth in front of me. What an act. A simple one. A loving one. Life-giving, life-saving, life-loving act. My soul is healing and I have shed tears of diamonds from the treasure of my heart. I will breathe the green energy in my heart chakra. I will spin the wheels of life to let the prana heal my aching heart. Got to let the love in. I hope to heal and find my attunement. Need the beach waters to recharge my souls. Need to ground myself and disperse the negativity that has bathed my soul for some time. Need to let the love in and be re-born. Need to love again.
Hope in time that Em will let me. Hope in time that my soul will find what it has been missing. Mind and body will find its way. Need to find my melody. Listening to the rhythm of my soul. Em, I love you. I hope all my love and prayers find you well. Namaste.
