Wednesday, June 29, 2011

MyTurn


Few days. . .A landmark day. One doesn’t really know it at the time. However, I do sense a change upon us. Can’t say what the nature of change because I don’t really know myself. Life changes as it always does. People coming. People going. People growing. People slowing. I can see it in their eyes, their movements, their mannerism. Children proud with awards being received. A happiness in their parent’s eyes as the future unfolds.

I see the FB post of another family friend passing. Distant friend gone in body, but never lost in spirit. A changing of the guard as new ministers share their homilies. I look at the sacred relics of ancient past of lives that were remarkable.  I show the little one the magics of a boomerang. We shoot a plastic bow and arrow and he gives me a lesson on the Autobots and Decepticons. I review the pictures of the underwater camera.

Listening to the oscillating fan pivot left and right. A contraction and expansion of life. Yesterday, I read of the tension brewing between the PI and China. It made me think of my Tatay. We visited him (and Rochelle) yesterday. According to Ancestry, he was a scout for the Army. It reminded me of the premier of Amigo the Movie. Tatay lived during that time. A time of war. A time when there was a change of guard. A change of thinking. A change. 

Precie’s birthday is the landmark day. Fourth of July.  She almost past on her birthday. She was touched by the Angels that day fourteen years ago. These moments when a drive to Las Vegas could be so insignificant.We think it is a simple a visit, when a loved one from a Bagdhad tour comes home. We hope when a loved one’s visit for a biopsy is nothing but routine. We fire up when fighting over the ownership of a spoon. These can be so overwhelming when dealing with a three four year old with a headstrong personality. All these big and little things mean so little and so much. Our view contracts and expands. We see lives in the moment. Catching bits and pieces here and there.

Found myself at a gas station I never visit. Lost in the great moment of buying fruit juice so I can get change for a newspaper. I don’t really buy newspapers. I was not particularly thirsty. Still, had a sense that I needed to be there at that moment. So there I stood wandering in the tiny gas station. Then I heard from behind, “Can you tell me where Avenue R is? I am looking for Saint Mary’s Church.“

Got poked on my soul. Realized that it was my turn. Not going to say a bigger picture. However, for some time, been feeling out of the Flow. Backsliding a bit. The view, my view, has lost some of freshness. Nothing seemed alive as it once did. Not sure it was attitude or vitamin deficiency, but my view has been dragging. Not the same energy, same enthusiasm, that same light.   

However, when she said, “I am looking for Saint Mary’s” It reminded me that we need some direction some time. We need to take charge and lead others where they need to go. We need to go. Experiences, life lessons, past wins and losses—It gives us a perspective that can make a difference.

Read a short FB post from one I knew in high school. He wrote, “God is good. Didn’t have a job for the summer until. . .” Didn’t know it at the time, but it was a page turning in the story for the day. Watched a documentary the Afterlife. It had that same sensation.  Discussed people’s attitudes and beliefs of the Afterlife. Interviewed experts on OBE’s and NDE. Discussed the Life Review, the tunnel, and overwhelming sense of Love. When one gets that “Ah-Ha” moment, the world seems so much clearer. The mystery is revealed.  Like someone has flipped the “On” switch and shone us the light. Life is such a mystery and it’s our journey to uncover all its gifts. We need to get dirt under our fingernails to see Life’s beauty. We think it is just spider webs and weeds at times, and for some it is just that.

Still, if everything were pleasant, how would we take appreciation to what we like. Don’t think everyone wants war. Don’t think everyone enjoys a fight. But it’s not supposed to work that way. We are the receiver and sender. We are messenger and message. We think that things are done to us and forget we do things to others.

Our universe perspective is as important as the one next to you. That other one could be a child’s wonderment. It could be an elder’s experience.  We must temper wide eyed joy amazement with sharpened eye of someone who has been there before. Give up some of childishness while losing some of that “Way It Used to Be.”

Landmark moment is coming. It is always Coming. . .and always Going. Lest we forget that our duty is guide and to follow. Its giving up and letting go. So as to take charge and take in. This conduit, we are. Take Love, Give Love.

No, I didn’t need the paper. No, I wasn’t thirsty. Ask me why, I stopped at the gas station before I got there.  I couldn’t tell you. When I heard that lady that ask “Where is St Mary’s?” It was revealed. I said “Follow me. I am was headed that way before I got a message to stop and pick something up.” Little did she know I was supposed to show her the way. Big Smile, got the message. 
 
It was my turn.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

New York, I Love You

Shoulders sun burnt. Finished some morning Maple and Brown Sugar. Been having some eggs and bacon of late. Not a real cereal guy and the work to make pancakes and waffles is really more than I am up for. So boiled water,a dry package Maple and Brown Sugar, and more swimming under the summer sun. 

Haven’t written for some time. Not that there hasn’t been adventure. Not that there hasn’t been anything to say or discuss. Just now is time for a quiet moment. Listening to the desert winds blow outside and its time. 

Watching a muted movie. Movie is called “New York, I Love You.” It’s a great movie. Several vignettes of New York residents in love. There is an old couple taking a walk on the pier. Another a one night stand. An obsessed artist falls for Chinese medicine herbalist. A husband and wife role playing as if strangers. So on and so forth. It’s themes are about Love. 

Couple days ago. Saw this FB profile of a friend of a friend. It was a new picture. It was her and I assume it was her boyfriend. Surprised me a little. It marked a time of change. A time of growth of development. A landmark in one’s life. A graduation. When one life ends. Another begins. Without these moments of celebration, we would be amiss of so many of life’s special and precious instances. Too often they become common and we forget to cherish.

A picture here. A journal entry there. These deposits of our memories that makeup who we are and who we become. Shared moments with family, friends, enemies, acquaintances, and single-serving friends. We dismiss these cherished seconds and we think we have so many more.  I hope we do.

Still, as I watch, the muted movie. I am reminded of the necessity of Love. The necessity of Storytelling. The necessity of Sharing and Communicating. So much is said with a picture. A glance, a facial expression, a background. Clothes they wear. How the hair is cut. Shaved, coiffed, styled. Is there action? Is there stillness? Fast, slow, measured. In the medium of film, pictures say much. Add sound. The rise and fall of one’s voice. Is it confident, unsure? What is the rhythm the pacing? Bring music to the mix and each word said and unsaid touches one on an emotional level.

Haven’t written much late because I needed to re-fuel my wellspring. It hasn’t runneth over.

I enjoy this movie so. But I am not experiencing it fully. Sound is off and I am missing a richness. Its like knowing Love and not being in Love with someone. Watching the many vignettes of New Yorkers in love, I am reminded my times falling in love and experiencing love. From a romantic tryst to high school firsts. From awkwardness of infatuation to bold, pretend bravado to impressing a potential. This multitude of precious moments that fills our lives. I’ve seen it many times and I should save it to my library.  

Its like a new profile picture on FB with a new beau. Moments in time, in between. A captured moment for all the world to see to share. A time which holds true, then must morph through. We grow, we change, we develop. We share these moments. We share our insights, our pleasure. We share what troubles us and announce to the world a birth and new discovery. Its in these moments of what is and what could be. . .and what could be again.

So here I end. . .to begin again. . .and more importantly, to finish New York, I Love You. With sound.