There's a somebody I'm longing to see, I hope that she turns out to be. . .
Saturday—it’s a beautiful outside. Sun shining ever so right. Wind is blowing in an early spring. And I think of her. One said that she looks like me. Oh, how I wanted to ask so much more. Alas, I didn’t. Her troubles were pressing. I felt her pain. The redness in her eyes. The front of strength was waning. Her facade transparent. Her aura beamed pain.
Sitting here now 16 years, I wondered if I beamed that same pain. It was all self-inflicted. Went through Denial. Went through Anger. Went Bargaining. Went through Depression. Now, I am Acceptance. Worse for wear I be. All the signs of loss. One friend Raman said, “I was dead inside.” I realize now why.
I'm a little lamb who's lost in a wood, I know I could always be good. . .
Got shepherded and was shown the light. A flash of clarity hit. So obvious, yet I was so blind. Haven’t heard from . . .in a while. I hope that it’s not too long before we meet. Downloaded a few pics from a camera that’s not mine. Pictures of a life long missed. Pictures of Niagara Falls. Pictures of Legoland. Pictures of Alaskan cruises. None were mine.
Started putting M's pictures in a frame. Pictures were not mine, either. She’s playing softball in one. She’s on stage dancing for another. However, the picture I love the most is . . .no, I am going to keep that one for myself. Got to keep that one private for just her and me.
Notice that I have been getting emotional a lot lately. My eyes would water for the strangest reason. Sometimes it’s a song. Sometimes its picture. It would just hit. Movies that I’ve seen before and nothing. I knew I liked the movie, but everything is moving me.
Mr. Holland’s Opus—it was today. My eyes glistened. Scene was Holland Opus (Richard Dreyfuss) and high school student (Jean Louisa Kelly). Last performance for Jean Louisa of her high school musical. It’s the performance she secretly leaves school to chase her dream of Broadway. The song she sings Gershwin “Somebody To Watch Over Me” Whew. It just got me.
Although I may not be the man, Some girls think of as handsome. . .
First time rendition I remember of this song was by Sting (My favorite crooner) Must have played this song twenty time straight before I took it off replay. Could not get enough. Had to listen to every word, hear every inflection, I just had to. It spoke to me. And I was listening.
It was when I first moved to Boston for college. Just had my heart broken and this song spoke to me. It brought me back to sanity. Funny, nights I would be listening to some Lords of Acid and then head out to Narcissus and go clubbing at the Back Bay. After a drunken stupor and late night Fenway Pizza, I would go my dorm suite and I power down with Sting’s version.
Won't you tell her please to put on some speed, Follow my lead, oh how I need. . .
Song has new meaning for me. Part of the lyrics stirs a different part of me. Guess this is why these songs are classics. Their stories seem to span time. Muse did a rendition of another song I just can’t get enough. George Michael was my first.Then Nina Simone. Then Muse. Love them all. I was sitting here on Friday night at it’s a Grind and the aspiring musician chose to sing “It’s a New Dawn” I had to stop and listen.
I know I could always be good. . .But to her heart, I carry the key
Confused me at first why these next generationers are playing my song. . .my song. My Song. No hate in my heart, but not the greatest crooners, but I commend for their song choice. So confused, I had to Google the song and find out why? Discovered, it was the Muse. Now, I am a big fan.
And this world would be like heaven, if she'd ,Follow my lead, oh how I need. . .
Don’t know where it comes from, but I suspect. . .I do. Another blog post, where music comes from. For such a long time, I stopped listening to music. It brought me joy and I wanted none of it. Felt I didn’t deserve it. Listened to talking heads on Sports radio and KFI. Listened and read books to get ahead. My Wasted Years I call them now. Don’t read management books any more. All these how to books to get ahead in your organization and how to get the organization ahead. It was nice for the time, but such. . .noise. Peter Drucker and 13 Fatal Errors of Management, thank you. It’s time for you to leave now.
In my Wasted Years, I did know I was so lost chasing. . . nothing. Well, I know now the song I search for is and I accepted. I’ve adopted W.E.B. Dubois saying in my core, “To be ready at any moment to give up what you are for what you might become." Like Natasha I will sing my own Amazing Grace. I will be Seth from City of Angels. Guess I will give up Heaven to be with an Angel.
Guess, you have to read the books or watch the movies to understand. Here is where I will leave for you to just that. Sting Version
