Fresno-bound. Five in the morning and we should be at the hospital around noon or earlier. Sitting in the back seat, not driving. Yeah!!! Couldn’t find my phone charger. Nor could I find my extra batteries for my camera. Guess, I will charge with the laptop when the moment comes. Rather have the backup, Cest la vie. We’ll see. Either way, not so bad. 
Headed to a hospital. Learned that a distant cousin stroked. Tough. Learned she is loaded; however, not being able to enjoy is not so fun. We are given gifts and challenges that we all must face.
Learned that the word, Agon means the ability to endure pain. Hence the word agony. Found this out from a DVD about the First Olympics. Haven’t seen the movie in its entirety. I however learned something.
They had this discussion about boxing, wrestling, and cromantics (I think). Cromantics is much like UFC. Except all these people are naked. Actually, they were all men. No slaves. No women. Just naked men competing. Fun? Well, naked women are more my taste. However, it is what it is.
This will be the second time in two weeks that I will be visiting someone in the hospital. Not sure that I am up to this. Don’t like to see someone in Agon. It hurts in the soul. From what I understand, she does not have use of her legs and her speech is slurred. The lady I saw last week at Kaiser had a valve replacement. She is laid up and she said spiraling down several times which troubled me.
Ancient Greeks admired athlete's ability to endure pain and deliver pain. To survive. To struggle. Not much has changed since then. Whenever, I watch UFC or Manny Pacquiao, I enjoy the culmination of years of hard work and training in the visual spectacle of a person’s everything. Putting the body, mind, and soul in this never ending battle. A battle to reach some supreme level.If they win or not, it is the struggle that find entertaining.
This something seems universal. Admiration to go above and beyond. Look at Lance Armstrong, conqueror of cancer and seven time Tour de France winner. Look at Michael Jordan, two-time three peater, after death of father and less than spectacular baseball stint. Look at Manny Pacuiao coming up from the dark days of bar room fights to fighting in the Dallas Cowboy Stadium.
Why is this? Why do we enjoy these struggles? I think it is ability to get back up after being knocked down. It is enduring, to move on when. Guess, the reason I am having the hard time going to the hospital is the dark side of the movie. It is the down and out. It is the hurtful angry time when things do not seem fair. Admittedly, I was feeling down and depressed of late, “living in turmoil and distraught” Maybe it is chemical, but I’ve been feeling sad.
Thing is horoscope said that all this reflection and self-analysis is nice, but like looking at two mirrors facing each others. Staring at reflection after reflection after reflection. A decision must be made to act. A decision to get better. Get stronger. To get back in the ring. So the hospital to me is the time before the decision is made. A time stuck in the reflection. A moment of pause.
For some time, my brother said something that seemed very profound. He does not want work in physical therapy, because there are people there that do not want to be there and heal. They rather lay down and remain in pain. Being angry at life events. Staying at the place staring in the mirror, indecisive. This was a large reason why I chose to work at the gym I wanted to be in a place where people wanted to heal themselves and get stronger. Perhaps this is why he is a coach. Be in a place where they accept competition and struggle. Where delivering and enduring pain is common and expected.
Perhaps this is why the reason, so many are choosing careers in health care. To see struggle and survival at its most basic level. To see one face reality for the first time, after years of lying to themselves and self-destruction, it is time where one decides to get back again. I should qualify that. With people eating themselves to obesity, overdosing on narcotics, and other lifestyle related illness. We see people take their first steps to becoming who they need to be.
Given there are relapses, but the road to recovery, the road to discovery is always the right one. Road to getting better is something that energizes. It is something that makes us want to get up and dance. So going to the hospital is just a minor awkward moment before one decides to get back up or to stay down. Thing is that it feels like forever. So when one stops looking at the countless reflections of the mirror, chasing the endless tail, one can take a moment and decide. Get up or stay down.
Hopefully, I will see that today when I go to the hospital. I’d like to see another hero today
