Decalogue

Series 0-2

Lakers lost again. Two at home for the semi-finals. Doesn’t look good for the series. Dallas is taking it to them. Haven’t watched. It makes me ill. I can hear the screams and shouts of disgust outside the house.Too little, too late. Can’t listen to sports radio the day after they lose. Dallas, come on. In a way, I am not too surprised by their performance. The year has had its share of its disappointments. Now the Lakers will be playing on the road. Three games. Can’t tell you it looks good. Looks dark.

Doubts leak into one’s confidence. Body language scream frustration. . .disgust. . .anger. I can hear the screams of other Lakers fans in the desert sky. Much love should be given to the three-time Finalist and back to back champion. Perhaps, they have run out of gas. Maybe this good team is not destined for more. Maybe there is no more blood pumping in their hearts.

I know what it feels like when this happens. You go on a great run and then it feels like the bottom drops. High expectations and then a fall. It is hard when good is simply not good enough. The slow decline. Or quick drop off. Nadir feels heavy. Doubters’ voices raise and we learn when fair-weather friends show their true colors. We discover who has one’s back.

Thor

Mjollnir is the fabled hammer of Thor. Built by master dwarves, this creation had the power to heal, to destroy, and to create. Held by the hero-god Thor it was presented as the master weapon. Read many issues of the Nordic God in the Marvel Universe. Blonde-Haired, blue eyed, red caped. Built like a tank. Battled frost giants and saved damsels in distress. He rode a chariot in the sky, pulled by two goats. Tooth-Gnasher and Tooth-Grinder. He wore a belt of strength and iron gloves that allowed him to hold lightning, In some art, he is said to have red hair. He was son of Odin and Earth. Very large and very strong. His demeanor was trusting and short fuse with beserker rage.

Comics Come Alive to Big Screen

Friday Thor the Movie comes out. It is one of the latest Comic movies hitting this season. Heard from one person on Facebook that it was weak. Hope this is not true, but I am one to find out for myself.  There has been a good run of late. Spider-Man trilogy was true to form and the special effects were outstanding. X-Men, Fantastic Four, Blade, two Hulks, a couple of Iron Mens, Daredevil, Electra, Wolverine. Captain America is coming out soon. Plus, Green Lantern trailers have been hitting with some regularity. (Green Lantern is different Genre Universe). Hope the comics I loved still has energy and good story pumping in them.

Heroes Fall. Heroes Followed. Heroes Rise

One thing I’ve learned about comics is that Heroes fall. They are faced with certain truths. Truth about themselves. Truth about others. Truth about the nature of the universe and beyond. It shakes a person’s core. Heroes lose sometimes. They live, they die, they come back. They get defeated and more often than naught, they survive, and thrive. One popular theme is an Anti-hero manifests itself and the hero again is faced the darker side of his/ her nature. It’s a bit troubling to see, but what is hero without something to overcome. Without something to pursue.

What I like about the Sports is the drama of the story. Lakers for a  minute we’re unbeatable. Expectation of success is set high and when the one you are cheering for one that doesn’t meet what you expect. There is a let down. A disappointment.  We lose Faith.

FAB, Truth Shines

A phenomenon occurs. Its called FAB. Fundamental Attribution Bias. We tend to identify with certain teams, heroic figures, athletes. When the team win, it is unmistakable. Go to any sporting event, basketball, football, soccer. People will say, “We won” As if they play the game. As if they had hours on the playing field practicing. As if they made the winning basket or caught the winning touchdown. On the flipside, when the team loses. What do most people say, “They lost.” No we lost. They lost.

Fans Follow Idols, Not Worship Them

Its funny on how people identify themselves with success, but when there is failure or defeat, Disassociation occurs. Guess, this is why some fanatics—be they sports fans, Oprah watcher, comic book lover, trekker, porn star, or American Idolist—become what they are. Not sure if it is good or not. We do what we do.

We can follow heroes. We can aspire to be like others. However, worshipping another is Big “No No” We are born as so many men (and women), we must still follow our own path. It is the way. It is the Tao. Our lives are own. We must live with the consequence of our actions, of our choices. Our destiny is our own. How we face it is what makes us. In the end, I hope Lakers will triumph. I am pretty sure I will like the Thor movie and I will let Faith guide me.  

Decalogue

In Decalogue, a set of moral standards is given. Expectations are abound and when we do not meet these expectations are not met a disappointment occurs. So when one talks of the Decalogue (Wikipedia it) we can understand why the Big Smile is disappointed.  Imagine if the Big Smile stopped cheering for us. It is through these time, where Faith is found and forged. This is what I’ve discovered what Faith is. It’s getting through these tough times when we fall less than.

It is cheering when the one we love falters. When we aren’t perfect, we are tested. Faith is a promise like saying, "I Love You." People sometimes breaks this agreement. Turning our back hurts. However, we can return. It is what Faith and Love is. Still, it’s a Covenant to stick, a promise to be there. As humans, we will fall and this is what we shall strive for and fight for. We should become better.   

Tears Are Falling. . .

"Rinnes," I've thought about you said, "Women have expiration dates." Didn't understand at first. It sucks. Don't know if its true. However, there were three of you that felt that way, so there is some general credence. It still sucks. It sucks and it scares me. Biological clock tick tocking away. Beautiful ladies feel their worth diminishes as the time goes by. That blows.

To those that aren't in the know. Couple days ago, I had late night sit down with Rinne's at the Goldfish. Soon to be older (Twenty-one years old again this year), a tall 8th grader femme (I thought she was a high school sophomore), and her mom.These ladies were my company of the pre-workout stint. Hearing them say this to me made me think. Women have expiration dates. She said so eloquently, "The times when men fall at their beck and call is reaching their sunset." Bad service at restaurants to come because of the age-beauty thing--Sad. Men falling at their wink and smile gone.

Life sucks.

The reading group I recently joined are of a different ilk. I get a different presence. They are 50 to 60 ranges. Matriarchs all. I hear a strength and community when I hear them speak. Pity parties Classic version. I say that's a rough what these Goldfish ladies are going through. Blame your Dad for not giving you the Y Chromosome. Little secret, Men don't have it so good either.

Men statistically die much younger than women. Ladies, men don't have that pity parties. Testosterone and society has made us cave dwellers. Lone wolves. Toughing it out alone are our cross that we bear. We sit and ponder. We wonder and wallow talking to old ex-girlfriends and moms about our feelings. Well, this is what my Psychology of Men class said. Ever wonder why men die earlier than their female counterparts. It was postulated that men don't know how to connect as well. They don't know how to communicate their feelings and since no connections. They keep it inside and take Viagra to make them feel younger. They keep their pain inside and men let their pain it eat them up physically. They die alone and sad.

Tough. Being a Y Chromosomer, I wonder if life is worth living without a connection to another. One old buddy of mine Brad would go on male-bitch sessions. We would say we are tired of being Male-Bashed. Blah-blah this and blah-blah that. In way, I've been blessed. I had lots of love when I was younger being First of First. Passed around going to cool places, I gots my share of attention. I had a girlfriend early during puberty and I met my soul mate relatively early too. So I have been lucky. True, there are times that I miss being in a couple, being connected. However, the only connection that I sorely miss is that special one. Hopefully, she lets me in because I really want to know her.

As for relationship-wise, I know life would be better with company. I see that with my Bro and Sis-In-Laws relationship. Jr. High Sweethearts and now three kids. He's even luckier than I am. He was always better a lot of things and I am very proud of him. He's my Hero. However, another one life's answer is found in the movie. "Up In the Air" movie comes to mind. George Clooney and Vera Farmiga are lovers with a twist. Moral of story, George Clooney learns he his ready to connect. The crucible line, the tag, the thing that sums the whole movie in one moment of clarity is this. "Remember all the great moments in your life. They are most likely with someone. Simply put, Life is better with company."

Guess, the reason I like the movie is because I relate with character. Granted what movie don't I make a connection with. . .True. I still like it and that is the story I'm sticking with. Anyways, the late night sit down was with nice ladies was enlightening and upsetting. Goldfish Mom had life issues and needed love. Apparently, she discovered her three year relationship was a lie. Her significant other was not-so-significant. He was also no-so-faithful--was not really divorcing his wife--not so monotonous having other gaming girlfriends. Nice guy. But I'm sure the signs were all there and the fantasy she had dreamt up was just a comedy.

No, that's not nice.

This is one of those "I'm looking at the cliff thinking about jumping off" moments. Hopefully, this is the time where she sees the light. She wises up and gets stronger. This is going to be her Halle Berry Boomerang moment. She'll toughen up and the right guy will come where she least expects it.

She was in pain. Could see it her eyes and hear it her tone. Body language showed she was fronting strength, hiding deep, deep pain. Now, I understand after this little diatribe. Sorry, light clicked in my head. Her pain was deep, so deep. Simply, she wanted to connect. Connect with something real. Connect and grow.

It reminds me of the many flowers in the dessert. Poppy festival is happening next month. The city of Lancaster has two day event at Lancaster Park. Besides the carnival food and games, the dance recitals, the arts and crafts, the city does something nice. They used to--I don't know if they still do--They would bus people to go see the Poppy Fields. Oceans and oceans of yellow poppies . When you see them, you can not help but smile.

So much potential. So much beauty. If no one would goes and appreciates the beauty these poppies possess, nothing dramatic would happen. Poppies would go and still be poppies. This is okay. Yet, when people can look and see their beauty, one has got to smile. It transforms these desert flowers to something more. Life showers them with sun and rain. Yet, life has been cloudy for Rinne's friend right now. She feels her leaves are falling and no one has gotten to see her flourish. She feels like fertilizer has dropped and it stinks right now. These moments will make her stronger. Crap still feels like crap. I understand her pain now. She wants to make a connection like many of us do. The tears are falling and she feels no one knows.

I am beginning to understand why I am going to church so much lately. I don't feel as alone. I don't feel as unloved. I don't feel so lost. My connection--this spiritual renewal/ rebirth--has given me new found energy that was always there. My own self-love was not enough.

My connection with this Higher Power has healed and strengthened my heart to give more--to be more--to love more. Master Yoda gave me his Star Wars sticker book yesterday and I almost cried. He loves this book. Yet, he wanted to share with me. We name the characters in the book together. I colored a picture for him. He plays lightsaber fights with me with spoons and forks. I talk to Prece about Muhammad Ali and "Ali, Boma Ye" I worked on a Chumash Indian Project and recorded whale sounds. These are the moments that counts.

I know I have missed much with M. I see her pics D gave me and I know. That coy smile and I know. . .I know I missed much. Too much. Rinne's friend made me realize that people are sometimes lost. They don't see their own light. They don't know that a connection is there. Rinne and I spoke and we came to the conclusion her friends needs to listen to heart. Hopefully this message will not gone for naught. Hope she finds strength in herself and realize loves out there. Its hard right now for her. I know.

Well, I have been sitting in the lot too long. Got to end blog. Morning Mass started and I need to connect.

Starbuck Musings--Cahuenga Way

1/2/2010 6:56:45 PM
Another Starbuck musing.

Betty Page Plays On Her Pink DS
This time I sit out in the corner of Cahuenga and Barham off ramp. It’s a bit breezy. Cars whiz by. A lady sits to the side playing her DS. Pink in color. Kind of funny. Must be in her mid- to late-20s. Dressed in Black. Grey boots. Black and white checkered jacket. Short hair. Sitting away from people. Off in her little DS world. Pink stands out because she reminds me of the Pinup girl Betty Page with black hair. Short Mod hair cut. Fingers racing away on her game.

I notice a glint by her face. Glasses. I wonder what is her deal. Sitting in Starbucks lounge playing DS. Is she waiting for someone? Is she getting away? She just sits, sits and plays. Wait, she looks at her blackberry, Curve, I think. I have a similar phone. No text. No IM. No ring. She sits back and again her fingers are ablaze. Leaning back on the chaise chair. Her foot taps unhurriedly. An Venti. No, it’s a Tall. Tall means small in Starbuck speak. Tall is really not that tall. Venti is large. Whatever. Her drink is done. A crumbled napkin sits inside.

I see no book. I see no sign that her venture will be that of reading exploration. Dressed nice (kind of) Probably waiting for someone is my guess. A date, possibly. Her legs cross and uncross. . .and cross again. She twirls her foot and her feet tap reservedly to the beat of Starbuck music.


Couples Dress Alike: Why?
A conversation walks by. An athletic couple. Both dressed in workout clothes. She in tight spandex leggings and form-fitting white nike athletic shirt. He’s wearing the same. Starbuck cup in hand. She is 5’5”. He’s 6’, perhaps. He’s maybe a runner. Former football player. Muscular, kind of. He turns to answer her question. They turn the corner as cars pass by.

It’s a little past mid-day. It’s a lot past mid-day. Precisely, its 3:13pm from what my laptop states. Shadows from the trees and power lines blanket the patio of the beloved Starbucks.


Jamie and Pat: Asian Couple Converse
An Asian couple walks by. The black haired girl turns her head expectedly. A sigh comes out. Not him, I suspect she is saying to herself. She turns back to her pink companion. Not the one she is waiting for. This mystery is getting to me.
Korean, maybe? Thai? I know it’s not Filipino or Japanese. Asians, just know these things.

The Asian lady glances my way. I avert my eyes. She is not my type. No eye contact. Look away I say to myself. Look away. My urge to get up and grows. Is it the cool breeze or is her stare. I don’t know. Her companion speaks in a gutter-ish. Chinese. I bet they are Chinese. “Shey shey” I hear one say. I thinks that’s Mandarin.

Oh, oh. The girl in the checkered coat gets up. She readies herself to leave. Takes one last puff on her cigarette. She gathers her bag and she is gone. She wore all black, except for the red belt, maybe. Went too fast. She gathered her stuff and she took off. Gone like the athletic couple. Mystery remains a mystery. Was she stood up? Did her batteries die? I am troubled. My questions unanswered.

The Chinese girl sitting in the far chair speaks, but I don’t understand her. She’s wearing a pink, no. Red and white shirt with Flower prints. She has a Tall drink sitting in front of her. (Small in Starbuck speak) Her friends drink requires a heat-thing. A cover coat. I don’t know, but that is what I will call it, a Cover coat for her coffee. Her friend gets up and leave. Initially, I thought it was guy with short hair. But, it looks it girl with a Flock of Seagulls hair cut. Kind of Dike-ish. The girl in pink coughs. She wears Black rimmed glasses. I wonder what her conversation was about. Her friend went back inside the café.

They are playing that song from the movie Nine. “Be ITALIAN”.

Her manly girlfriend is also wearing a plaid hoodie. She drinks, or is it a he? I dunno. He/she glances this way. Little do they know they are part of my Starbucks musings. Let’s call the pink friend Jamie. She reminds of this heavy girl in the second grade that had I had issues with. Her lips move, but nothing comes out. She scratches her face. It looked like she was picking her nose.

Anyways, her friend, lets call him/her Butch. Crosses his leg like a man. He/she shakes his/her head in a masculine way. I hear his/her voice. Sounds feminine. Its gotta be. Well, he/she pulls on his cross leg closer to him/her. I still don’t know if it’s a girl or guy. He/she dresses like a guy, but kind of looks like a woman. Body frame is svelte, in a husky kind of way. Maybe, Pat is a better name. Very Androgynous.


Jason Calls for Warmer Climate
Alas, their interactions no longer interests me. I think it’s time to go in. Jason, my cousin, has had his head covered for awhile. The breeze from the car and the cool winter day has made sitting here a little. . . It has me wanting a more warmer climate. Must run. This exercise in the Starbucks Cahuenga musing is over.